1st run in forever!

The last time I ran was on Tuesday, January 29th (3 miles). That's not true. I've run some sprinting sessions at crossfit, but for all intents and purposes those "don't count." So, I've been kind of freaking out about running again. When we do our sprints at crossfit we have usually already done a gazillion squats and lunges, and I find myself breathing SO HARD on those runs. I just assumed that meant i'd lost all my running fitness and it made me hesitant to try running again.

But today's 2 miler proved otherwise. With the help of my trusty inhaler (Good grief! Scoliosis AND an inhaler? I really am a nerd!) and a moderate pace, my run felt fantastic. By the time I knew I needed to stop, I really, really, really, really didn't want to. I had no idea how much I had missed running until I got back out there! It makes it so bittersweet. On some level I had convinced myself that I didn't need running anymore; that I had a great two years of it and that part of my life was over and I was moving on. But now I have become re-acquainted with this very special and personal part of my life....and it hurts in more ways than one. I have self discipline, but I am not a master of restraint. I find it's harder to know that I can run but only in moderation than if I was told I cant' run at all.

 It's even harder because, right before I got on here to write this post, I logged into facebook to download some pictures. The first post I saw on my home feed was my beloved Laura announcing that she and everyone else had successfully registered for Chicago. My heart and stomach rose in excitement...then sank like a ship. Waves of jealousy, then sadness, then guilt, and finally numbness washed over me.  I was supposed to be part of that happy group today but I may never know the rush of marathon registration again and I am being a complete child by being jealous but I am only human and can't help it. I think being 50% happy for everyone, 25% jealous, and 25% sad is acceptable for now. It'll have to be.

 I'm going to give myself exactly one evening of feeling sorry for myself, and then I'm going to move on. Wallowing never accomplished anything. So, here's to not wallowing!...

...and to happy and healthy runs.