The squirrel effect and other runner superpowers

 

They say that exercise empowers people and allows them to do things they never could before. What they don’t tell you is that some of those powers are MAGICAL powers! Yes, magical because the events that happen on solitary runs are too weird to be imaginary and happen too often to be coincidence.

For instance, I have developed some kind of crazy power over squirrels. One time as I was running along a road lined with 40ft white oak trees I heard a tremendous cracking and crashing noise above my head. A giant tree branch exploded onto the road twenty feet ahead of me, followed by a small gray blob that went squeek-ee as it smacked the pavement. I continued forward and realized that the squeaking blob was a squirrel. At that point in my life I had never seen anything die and I remember thinking “Don’t die, don’t die! You’re not dead you’re fine!” And just like that --*pop*-- the squirrel sprang up and went scurrying off into the woods. Spooooky huh?

And then, there have been multiples times when I was running (including today) when I saw a squirrel standing by the side of my path and I thought “It would be cool if you just stood there and didn’t run off as I run by you.” There have been times I got within a foot before the squirrels did that bulging eyeball, twitchy, tail flicking, spasmodic jump towards the nearest tree. Today though, as I looked into that gray furball’s beady, black, calm eyes, I could tell my request had sunk in. In fact, it had sunken in so much that I had to adjust my stride to keep from stepping on the little bugger! I did a knee tweaking side hop to get out of his way as he slowly hippitty hopped to the other side of the road.

But squirrels aren’t my only useless superpower! I can also turn off street lights. Sometimes during the time of year when it gets dark early I run a half mile loop over and over around a lake at a nearby park. The path is lined with streetlights which makes me feel safe until…this freaky thing happens where when I run under a light it shuts off. I have done this sometimes to the point where all of the lights have turned off around the lake except for 4 or 5, and I start to freak myself out thinking a serial killer will take the opportunity to turn me into a Katie-skin rug. Extreme I know, but it comes with having an overactive imagination.

So why tell you all this? Because I know some of you know what I’m talking about. I have heard some murmurs of other people’s running super powers and have found all of them fascinating. So fess up! What cool freak-of-nature tricks do you have up your sleeve now that you’re filled with all that running mojo?